tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post2635531373096311779..comments2023-08-25T06:12:51.221-04:00Comments on Big City Dad: The Hornet's Nest...and an ApologyBig City Dadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10026342162175331927noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-61382546700855925482011-12-08T22:07:08.521-05:002011-12-08T22:07:08.521-05:00Sorry I am so late to this thread. I am a DI mom ...Sorry I am so late to this thread. I am a DI mom at 40.5 and never married. Now 45, I am engaged to a 42 year old (never married) man. I had 2 long term relationships totaling 15 years. When I look back I didn't make them permanent because we did not share family values/styles. I liked bad boys (not father material), but it didn't matter since children were not a priority then. After the last failed longterm relationship at 37, I knew what I wanted and it very definitely included children (I am a late bloomer in many respects). Unfortunately many feel as you, initially were taken by your comments, something must be wrong with a woman not married by that age. It did not help that I gave off the desperate vibe and stated up front that children were definetely part of my agenda. Assertiveness is only attractive in some arenas. I tried yet one more committed relationship 1.5 years before becoming a SMC. It changed my whole life. I now was now completely comitted, to my child. Surprisingly, more quality men came out of the woodwork when they understood the way in which my daughter came to be. Single or divorced men with children respected my choice to "not trick some man into getting me pregnant". Older, childless men who wanted to be fathers, but varying reasons were not, saw the opportunity to be a father to someone. Initially, all the attention creeped me out. But ultimately, my success came from a change in attitude and priorities. I looked at a man from the perspective of being worthy of my child first and me second. Not to say I was looking only for a father for my child, but that my standards were higher for her than they had ever been for me. My daughter saved me on so many levels. There you have my 2 cents, an affirmation of the yellow flag reasons and an exception all in one. There are many shades of gray. Thank you for your blog and the opportunity to share the other side.Michelenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-37566493856189771532009-11-25T10:40:03.645-05:002009-11-25T10:40:03.645-05:00I was single until I was 37 and yes, that should h...I was single until I was 37 and yes, that should have been a red flag. I have issues! :) <br />I feel the same way about men that have never been married and are closing in on 40, so you had every right to feel that way. <br />I do remember however, that when I would tell people that I was 37 and never been married, people would say, "What is wrong with you"? My answer was alway exactly what I wrote yesterday. What is wrong with you that you got divorced. Now that I look back, that was a defense mechanism to the fact that I new that I had issues and I didn't like people calling me out on them. <br />I applaud you voicing how YOU felt. This is YOUR blog and you were explaining your feelings. Don't change that based on comments.Daniellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06587186690785139860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-36725274255722832692009-11-24T20:53:37.786-05:002009-11-24T20:53:37.786-05:00Big City Dad: welcome to the big city of blogging!...Big City Dad: welcome to the big city of blogging! Thanks for hanging in there with us, even when some of us might disagree. <br /><br />Yes, you are SO welcome at Singlemommyhood. We hope you'll come back for more! Glad you have thick skin. And if you don't, we're here to help you back on your feet.Single Mom Seekinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04846340433536492232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-56158830907914993252009-11-24T14:47:45.080-05:002009-11-24T14:47:45.080-05:00Hey, our perspectives are all based on our experie...Hey, our perspectives are all based on our experiences and HOW GLORIOUS that we've all had different experiences. Truthfully, you and I could look at something as simple as an apple and my experience with it will be different than yours. <br /><br />That's what's so fun about blogging... sharing... opinions, perspectives and stories.<br /><br />I never thought nearing 40 and never married was a red flag. Then I had a relationship with a man who fit that description and who seemed to be the "victim" of many failed relationships. One day, I had to stop and realize that the only common denominator was him.<br /><br />So, while age may not be a factor, the <i>number</i> of failed relationships seems like more of a red flag to me.<br /><br />Great post. Thanks for sharing!https://www.blogger.com/profile/10112766306021310705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-39260302162023502352009-11-24T14:26:18.188-05:002009-11-24T14:26:18.188-05:00You got it QT. I don't do anything quietly.You got it QT. I don't do anything quietly.Big City Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10026342162175331927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-64933626669564768502009-11-24T14:18:52.641-05:002009-11-24T14:18:52.641-05:00Look at this, a new blogger causing so much shit a...Look at this, a new blogger causing so much shit already. <br /><br />NICE JOB. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-45826305614545208892009-11-24T13:33:21.458-05:002009-11-24T13:33:21.458-05:00I second everyone else's comments. I certainl...I second everyone else's comments. I certainly do not think you need to apologize for your feelings, I just wanted to put my two cents and give you my ideas as to the reason I am 33 and never married. <br /><br />I loved the last part about exceptions. I totally fall under #2 and with my son getting older, hope to get back into the dating scene more.Single Mom Paying Off Debthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01043499900541719686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-31610668436929741882009-11-24T12:49:09.599-05:002009-11-24T12:49:09.599-05:00Thanks ladies. For my feelings, no apologies. It...Thanks ladies. For my feelings, no apologies. It's just my experience. For not being more clear which led to misinterpretation, apologizing no problema. Three different marriage counselors taught me something eh? <br /><br />:)Big City Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10026342162175331927noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-75232556761518326432009-11-24T12:46:16.894-05:002009-11-24T12:46:16.894-05:00You're a welcome member of the Singlemommyhood...You're a welcome member of the Singlemommyhood community. No apologies are necessary. You inspired a provocative (and continuing) conversation.<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving!drleah@singlemommyhood.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16140090862192518557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-24059571549805608062009-11-24T12:45:46.292-05:002009-11-24T12:45:46.292-05:00When I read your post and gave my opinion, I wasn&...When I read your post and gave my opinion, I wasn't really offended. A little saddened by it ? Maybe, but not offended. It's how most men feel.<br /><br />Thanks for explaining, but I don't think you should have to appologize for what you said. Most men feel the same way you do.Senoritahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13075972193214414769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-71872379639281496142009-11-24T12:28:14.753-05:002009-11-24T12:28:14.753-05:00That is soooo funny! I read it yesterday (the par...That is soooo funny! I read it yesterday (the part about her being 37 and never married as a red flag) and couldn't agree more. I am now back on that dating scene, too, and wouldn't really look twice at a 37 year old man that has never been married. It does set off a red flag, like why have they been out in the world for 20 years and not focused on a personal life. You are nicer than I am, because I don't really care what others think about what I say, lol! I did agree with you whole-heartedly on it.Mass Hole Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18394886442191654012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7635390275830964616.post-68932088355375575242009-11-24T11:38:40.858-05:002009-11-24T11:38:40.858-05:00Smiling. Gotcha. Thanks, BCD, for taking the time ...Smiling. Gotcha. Thanks, BCD, for taking the time and care to clarify.<br /><br />BLWAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com