Ever since she turned 3, my little M has been obsessed with the differences between boys and girls. A lot of it probably has to do with the fact that until she was able to safely self entertain, both her mother and I made her sit in the bathroom with us while we showered. It seemed like the best way to keep an eye on her and to not have to skip showers while she was awake. You busy single parents of toddlers know what I mean.
When she learned the name of Daddy's "boy parts" she thought that was the funniest word she ever heard: "You have a PENIS???!!! That's silly!"
A couple months ago, we were coming down the elevator on a busy Saturday morning. Our building at the time was huge. It has 865 apartments filled with one of two types of residents: families with young kids like us, or retirees who have been living in the building for YEARS who haven't left because of rent control. As we got on the elevator, M looked in the mirror at her hair. Daddy had made his best attempt at a pony tail (I've actually gotten quite good at it). She gave herself the once over and the conversation ensued:
"Look Daddy! I have girl hair!"
"Yes you do baby. You have beautiful long hair" I replied.
"Mommy has girl hair too! Daddy? You have girl hair?"
"No baby, Daddy has short boy hair"
"Oh" she said with thoughtful face. Just then, the elevator doors opened to the lobby. It was early and for some reason there was a large group of little old ladies milling around our cavernous lobby that coincidentally has a HUGE echo. M's face lit up and she asked loudly with a wry smile,
"Daddy, you have a PENIS?" ALL heads turned in our direction!
"That's right baby. Boys have a penis" I replied quietly. We exited the elevator and she continued...
"Daddy, do I have a PENIS???"
"No baby, you have girly parts"
"Oh" she replied with a thoughtful face, almost disappointed. I could see the wheels turning in her pretty little head. I could also see that every grandma in the place was staring either in disbelief! Our favorite doorman Norman, however, was laughing so hard he was about to pee his pants. After a few seconds M's little face lit up...here it comes...
"Yes my love?" as we walked past the little old ladies...
"I want a PENIS! I want a PENIS" she shrieked with delight while jumping up and down holding my hand, "We go to the PENIS STORE and buy one?"
Terror on faces everywhere as Norman doubles over. So for the grandma's I answered, "You know what baby, if you can find a penis store we'll go buy one."
"Ok! Ok!" she squealed.And with that we went to the playground...leaving behind a lobby full of horrified old ladies and one very amused doorman :)
Now I just need to put together a plan for our new family business! Anyone know a good penis wholesaler?