So, I don't talk too much about my personal life away from Miss M here but today, I need some feedback.
Hot Girl and I have been seeing eachother since two months after my divorce (with a 2 month break last summer). She's a great girl in a lot of ways: smart, family oriented, pretty, good sense of humor, and was really good with Miss M when they were spending time together. We broke up for a few months because among other things, we had trouble communicating. She felt I didn't take her feelings into account which frustrated her, and I felt that in things that I needed her to accept the way things are (in regard to Miss M and my Ex) she was putting too much pressure on me. I'm sure the truth is somewhere in between.
We've been back together since this past October and communication has gotten a ton better. I've yet to do the reintroduction to Miss M, however. It just doesn't seem like a good idea to me unless I'm totally sure (as much as I can be) that we're committed to the relationship long term. This means that Hot Girl has to work around the custody schedule which I admit would be difficult for anyone. We do see eachother at least twice a week and every other weekend though.
Over the last few weeks, Hot Girl has been getting frustrated and has been expressing this. She wants to see me more and to be reintroduced to Miss M. I'm hesitant. It's not because I don't think Hot Girl wouldn't make a good "friend" for Miss M or that she wouldn't be a phenomenal step mother to her if we get to that point. On the contrary, I think she'd be tremendous and I've told her so. It's the relationship between Hot Girl and me that I'm worried about.
Most times, we get along great. We love to go to movies and watch sports together, she gets my sense of humor, we're physically attracted to eachother, the sex is phenomenal (I really mean that), and we think the same way about family. Our political views are different (she's kind of a rightie whereas I am totally left). She's a "fancy" girl (which takes an entirely different meaning in NYC than anywhere else) and has trouble not being fancy. I can do either but prefer unfancy. She grew up in a wealthy Boston WASPy family that didn't talk much about feeling or express emotions. I grew up in middle class Italian family that is all about talking about EVERYTHING. I'm a mountains guy, she's a fancy beach girl. These differences can probably be worked around though (I think).
Here's my major dilemma(s):
1) Hot Girl is a high stress person. From big things like not having a job right now (understandable) to little things like not being able to get a cab on a busy day, she gets stressed out easily. I am totally the opposite BY CHOICE. I've worked very hard over the last 10 or so years to not let things get to me and someone who can't do the same causes me stress. She claims that the stress is hers and not mine to fix (I agree) but just being around it makes me uncomfortable. I have no idea what to do with this, especially since if we stay together, we are going to have stressful periods together which will mean I'll have two problems: her stress and the problem itself. Most of my life I've ended up in relationships with high stress women (it all starts with Mom), but I'm tired of being the steady calm guy who has to hold things together. It makes me tired. I want a partner who deals with things like I do by remaining calm and having faith that things will work out. Is that reasonable? I'm not even sure that women like that exist (no offense, I've just never been with one). And,
2) I've alluded to this before, but Hot Girl grew up wealthy (no big deal) and sometimes can act like a spoiled child (most times not, but sometimes). All her friends are the same way. I don't like them (at least the ones I've met). They seem like the entitled rich spoiled kids I didn't like growing up. Don't know how you all feel, but regardless of how much money a person has or how they came about getting it, I don't believe this makes one person better than another. Hot Girls says she agrees with this yet she spends her time away from me with these people who clearly think this way. Am I crazy to think that there's a strange disconnect here? My friends certainly aren't exactly like me (how boring would that be?) but we do have mostly the same values, which is a HUGE thing in a long term relationship. Is Hot Girl more like me or more like them? I just don't know how to think about this one.
She hasn't given me an ultimatum but I know she's very frustrated and wants to be with me more. That's a good thing. She keeps asking me what else does she need to do to get us to that point and I don't know the answer and have told her so. Of course, this only stresses her out more which makes me more unsure. Problem, right? I'm at a loss and things are coming to a head. I've asked her to be patient and she's trying but it's looking like that will end soon. My fears are 1) introducing Miss M to someone who will leave her life (again), and 2) ending up with someone who wasn't what they seemed to be (in my eyes) and having to break up another family. I just don't want to go through that again.
I'm not a commitment phobe nor do I expect my parter to be perfect, but these two things seem important. Feedback please??? Most of you have been doing the single parent thing longer than me. I'd love to know what you think.