Monday, January 4, 2010

Favorite Moments of 2009???

Great picture, huh? Believe it nor not, I took this with a disposable camera right after a rainstorm in Glacier National Park in 2005. See the rainbow? It's one of my favorite non-Miss M pictures I've ever taken.

That was a great trip for me. I had just gotten fired from a job, the job I moved to NYC for. I had been hired in 2001 by a guy with whom I had been very close friends back in my "wild" days. He was/is a typical Wall Street guy: play hard, work hard, take credit for other people's success, blame failure on everyone else, treat your employees like crap. We started butting heads and eventually I lost the political war. He got fired a year later.

Funny thing is, at the time it seemed like the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Here I was, newly married, in a city I really didn't want to be in, in a new career with not much of a track record, and completely unsure that I could be successful in what I had chosen in my path in life. At the time, I had been so focused on my material life that my spiritual life had taken a beating. In short, something stressful happened and I wasn't spiritually fit for it.

I took the trip to Glacier by myself (Ex wasn't into that kind of stuff) in order to clear my head and try to remember what's really important in life. Right before I left, I was offered the job I have now. The trip was really settling for me and the new job turned out to be the best one I've ever had. Who knew right? What I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to me turned out to be one of the best in hindsight. All of this is before Miss M was born of course.

I'm thinking about this because at dinner on New Year's Eve, a friend was polling each of us as to what was the best moment of 2009. My buddy Pete had a similar story to what I described above. He was blown out at Lehman, landed at Barclay's, and in a few months, got blown out again. He landed not just on his feet but in a great job and in the process, realized that he had a tremendous support network which he had previously taken for granted. Great story, right?

Then it was my turn. 2009 was a incredibly tough year. I thought for moment and then decided to pass. Disappointing. 2009 was the first full year since my separation. Divorce, financial problems as a result, job insecurity, only seeing my little one half the time, developing and then losing my relationship with Hot Girl (only to regain it later in the year)...I felt like there were no stand out great positive moments during the year. In a sense, it seemed that 2009 was the year to "hold it together" and not make things worse. Honestly, I'm just glad it's over. Is that it???!!!!

Maybe. When I think of it, the job loss of 2005 hit me worse than my divorce. I literally had a nervous breakdown and had to be medicated to hold back the anxiety. Scary, right? My divorce, while incredibly painful (and seemingly the gift that keeps on giving), was much sadder and more difficult, yet didn't cause the depression and anxiety I had in 2005. Why??? The only reason I can think of is that I am more spiritually fit. Since '05 I've began again to regularly (although not as often as I would like) meditate, pray, and discuss my feelings with my friends. I try to focus on being in the moment and ok with my life as it is, RIGHT NOW. Tough when things are going sideways, but when I focus on my spirit, the bad times don't seem as bad. It make me feel like I'm off the "treadmill" of material quests and more on the path I think my Higher Power would like me to be on. Things in the universe then seem manageable, even if they don't seem to be going the way I would like. Being grateful for what I have, not resentful for what I don't.

Maybe that's my best moment of 2009...being ready it all when things fell apart. HP and my friends got me through it relatively unscathed. It's not how I pictured my life, but all in it's pretty darn good.

Here's to a positive 2010!

9 comments:

LittleMama714 said...

I admire your positivity. I feel like I can relate to you in the sense that 2009 was a year of trying to keep it together. It can be so hard sometimes to focus on the positives but I'm trying as best I can to do just that. It's the simplest but most difficult resolution.

Here's to a positive and productive 2010!!!

BigLittleWolf said...

It is a beautiful picture! And it's hard to find the positive moments when looking back over a year it is overwhelmingly filled with difficult ones. And especially hard, when your present is a series of compromises on all fronts.

But I think many of us understand intuitively that if we can manage to keep even a nugget of optimism alive, we expand our possibilities for more good things.

That's my theory, and I'm sticking to it!

Happy New Year, BCD - and love that I can come by and comment again! Thank you!

MindyMom said...

LOVE the photo!

Like you, my 2009 was really tough too (thanks to the divorce I have also referred to as "the gift that keeps on giving". But I know that as much as it sucked there were many little great moments too that were the "glue" that held me together through it all. How else would I have survived it?

Hope your - and my - 2010 is a much better year.

Nicki said...

I've lived so much of what you are describing. Only I run to the beach. It's hard for me not to recover and feel awed and inspired at the beach.

2010 is going to be an amazing year. I can feel it. Next year, they won't be able to shut you up as you try to sort through all the goodness that surrounds you.

Momma Sunshine said...

2009 was a tough year for many of us. It's good that you're remaining positive. :)

*hugs*

Danielle said...

I am glad that you are finding what is important and bringing it forward into the new year.
Here is to all of us in 2010!

T said...

Love it. Love this post! I'm always working on my spiritual fitness and you're right. It really shows when the crap hits the fan, eh?

Great post! Proud of you!!

qtmama said...

2009 sucked, seriously. Other than a few new martini recipes, I'm damn glad that crap year is over. Here's to 2010 baby!!

Swati said...

Hi - Gorgeous pix of Glacier National Park...and I'm glad you treated yourself to the trip! Yeah, divorce is the gift that keeps on giving isn't it? I'm about to do a post on Raj Yoga Meditation...have you tried it? It's really working for me - I like meditating with my eyes open and NOT having to stop thinking. I found you from LA Single Mama's site; please swing by when you can at http://www.thesinglemotherschronicles.com
Best,
Swati

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