My Little Doctor

Hi folks. Sorry I was away for a while. With the long weekend, Valentines Day, and a nasty stomach bug, I've been out of touch with the world for a few days. It started Sunday afternoon after Miss M came over. We played with the flowers Daddy bought her, Skyped my parents so they could see her, and played outside with one of her friends in our building. I was feeling a bit queasy at that point but it didn't get worse until later. (Don't worry, I'll spare you the details).

By the time evening rolled around, I was good and nauseous. If I'm really sick I would have M's mother come get her but this time it felt like a stomach thing that I get every once in a while and it was close to bedtime so I wasn't worried. Normally when my stomach is acting up and have Miss M, I suck it up so she doesn't worry and has a good time. This time, I couldn't play that. We put in one of her favorite movies and I laid on the couch.

"Wassa matter Daddy?" asks very scrunchy concerned face.

"Daddy doesn't feel well honey. His tummy is upset"

"You sick???" face even scrunchier than before

"Yes baby, Daddy is a bit sick but he'll be ok. Let's watch the movie and then we can go to bed"

Very pensive and then "Wait Daddy! I fix you! I get my doctor kit!"

And off she ran to her room to get the kit I bought her to keep her from being scared of the doctor. Needless to say, since she knew it was my tummy, OF COURSE, she poked and prodded it which only made it feel worse, but who am I to spoil her fun, right?

After a very thorough (and painful) exam, my little doctor asked "Daddy, you better???"

"A little honey. You're a very good doctor"

"Thanks Daddy! You take kitty. Make you feel better" and she gave me the stuffed kitty that she carries with her everywhere. I could just melt.

Daddy feels A LOT better. :)

The Quotable Weekend

A couple weeks ago I posted Ten Movie Quotes To Get You Through Life and it made me think, "Self, what if I do this as an occasional Friday feature? The crap is already written, I just have to find it." So I figured I'd try it today and see how you kids like it. Each week I'll post 10 quotes (movies, writers, speeches, whatever) and readers, if you have one you love, post it as well.


This week we start with an easy one: National Lampoon's Animal House. John Belushi and cast were obnoxious and funny before people were ready for it. They set the bar for juvenile humor going forward. I love this movie.

10. Otter: Ah, she broke our date.
Boon: Washing her hair?
Otter: Dead mother.


9. Hoover: They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!

8. Otter: He can't do that do that to our pledges.
Boon: Only we can do that to our pledges.

7. Clorette De Pasto: Dad! Mom, Dad, this is Larry Kroger. The boy who molested me last month. We have to get married.

6. Marion Wormer: You can take your thumb out of my ass any time now, Carmine.

5. Bluto: "Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps."

4. Larry's evil conscience: Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.
Larry's good conscience: For shame! Lawrence, I'm surprised at you!
Larry's evil conscience: Aw, don't listen to that jack-off. Look at those gazongas. You'll never get a better chance.
Larry's good conscience: If you lay one finger on that poor sweet helpless girl, you'll despise yourself forever... I'm proud of you, Lawrence.
Larry's evil conscience: You homo

3. Katy: Boon, I think I'm in love with a retard.
Boon: Is he bigger than me?

2. Babs: Greg, honey, is it supposed to be this soft?

1. Dean Wormer: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

School Daze?

Miss M turns 4 this coming October.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the New York school system, that means that if we want to send her to private prekindergarten, we should have completed and submitted applications sometime back in 2004. Seriously?

Every city has its competitive parents and school snobs but NYC has to be in a complete other universe for this kind of stuff. VERY few public schools in Manhattan are places you'd send your child if you could avoid it. When Ex and I split, I moved into a neighborhood that actually has a very good public school and we agreed to send M there. Of course, the rents in that neighborhood are 25% higher than non-good school 'hoods. They get you one way or another.

Here's the trick though: pre-k (4 year old kindergarten) is NOT mandatory in the state of NY. Kindergarten for that matter either. That means the schools don't have to offer it. The school is our 'hood does, but only has a certain number of slots, thus you have to apply and cross your fingers. Because siblings of kids already attending the school have first priority, Miss M has about as good a chance of getting in as I do of winning the Powerball. In normal economic conditions this wouldn't have been a problem, but because a lot of people have lost their jobs and pulled their kids out of private school, public schools are ridiculously overcrowded.

Ex and I now have to find a back up plan, which means applying to private schools which have already closed their application process. Luckily, the overcrowding of public schools means there are private spots, but of course, that comes at a price. The least expensive private school we can find is about $7000 a year. The most expensive (you can bet Ex wants us to apply there but no chance I will do that) is $27,000! For a four year old!!! Can you say ridiculously stupid! The name of the school says it all: The Towne School. That extra "e" has to be good for at least $10,000.

Here's what I don't understand: how can the education be THAT much better at 4 years old? I went to private school up until high school and was somewhat ahead of the other kids by the time I got to the 9th grade, so I get it to a point, but $27,000? And it gets up into the $40,000's as the kids get older. Manhattan is another planet.

So, Ex and I get so spend A LOT of time together. FUN, FUN! We're getting along marginally better these days, mainly because we've had minimal contact but that's about to change. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm going to have to meditate on patience and tolerance a lot, both for dealing with Ex and the snotty private school people.

I'm Getting Married to the Perfect Woman

I found her.

The woman of my dreams.

I was searching the web for my dream girl and there she was.

Delectable, taunting me with her very presence.

She's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I know what you'll all say:

• You're still early out of divorce
• You don't know her AT ALL
• What's the rush?
• Shouldn't you at least go on one date with her?

But I say...DON'T try and talk me out of it.

I know it's quick but when you know, you know.

I love her.

She's sexy, provocative, has a FANTASTIC sense of style, and so incredibly intelligent and intuitive that she knows EXACTLY what a man wants...





BOOBS AND BACON!





Beautiful isn't she?



Have a great weekend everyone. Go Saints!!!

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!!!

So I'm proud to say that I received my first Blog Award yesterday!!! My buddy Scott over at This Daddy's Blog graced me with the Beautiful Blogger Award. As the fine print requires, THANK YOU SCOTT. I am honored, especially to be called "beautiful" by a hetero dude. That is a man comfortable with his sexuality. If you haven't checked out Scott's blog, I'd encourage you to. While we've never met in person or talked through more than blogging, he's a guy who's perspective on family I totally identify with. TOTALLY devoted to his wife and four kids, fully able to admit when he's wrong, and funny to boot. Great job Scott. Keep it up.

So, here's the fine print on my award:

Thank the person who nominated you for this award and insert a link to their blog. DONE

1. Pass on the award to about 15 other bloggers who you recently discovered and think are great! That will be an ongoing process. My plan is to give out awards once or twice a week until I've fulfilled my commitment.
2. Contact the other bloggers and let them know they have been chosen for this award
3. Say 7 things about yourself. SWEET! My favorite topic...ME!

So, let's see what I can say about myself that's fun and interesting:

1. I drink more coffee daily than any person should consume in a month. Mostly espresso. Strangely, I have no problems sleeping;
2. I couldn't name a song in the top 100 across any kind of music at any point in the last 5 years. Just no interest whatsoever;
3. For a big city finance guy, I'm kind of an anomaly. I'm mostly a liberal Democrat, especially on social issues.
4. All things considered, I'd be more comfortable living in a cabin in the woods, wearing cowboy boots, and driving a pick up truck than living in Manhattan;
5. I grew up playing soccer and actually trialed with Liverpool in England when I was 17. At the time, drinking beer and chasing skirt was WAY more important so obviously that didn't go so well. I did have fun though. Still, it's simultaneously one of my proudest accomplishments and biggest regrets;
6. I just ate an entire Toblerone. Damn those things are good! ;
7. My little Miss M is the absolute love of my life and even though my life isn't what I pictured, it's perfect because I have her. I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything.

So kids, there's some of me in a nutshell (literally). Have a great day!

Weird but True

Lacking any single Daddy news today, so I thought I'd keep in light.

Here are a few excerpts involving bad parenting or relationship disasters from The New York Post over the last few weeks. Makes me grateful for my life. As they say, it could always be worse. Some of these are truly scary.

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Talk about criminal child abuse!
A Tennessee woman was busted after getting her 11-year-old son to commit armed robbery at the financial-services office where she once worked.
As Angela Evans waited in the getaway car, her son walked in with a stocking mask over his face, held a gun to a woman's head and took $80.
Evans gave him $20 as his cut of the proceeds.

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Divorce doesn't apply only to people.
Keepers at a wildfowl sanctuary in southern England have recorded only the second "swan divorce" in 40 years.
Bewick's swans are famous for mating for life. But Sarandi, a male bird, returned from his annual migration to Russia with a new partner, leading officials to fear that his girlfriend of two years, Saruni, hadn't survived.
But then she showed up with a new boyfriend.
Now all four birds are swimming around the same lake, carefully ignoring one another.

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In most places, they'd just call this gold-digging.
New Hampshire cops arrested a man and woman after the man called to complain that he'd paid the woman for sex but she refused to go through with it.
Both the 22-year-old woman and 32-year-old man were hit with charges related to prostitution.

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She caught him sleeping for eternity with another woman.
A widow in St. Petersburg, Fla., is suing a cemetery after she went to visit her husband's grave adjoining her own plot and found another occupant with him.
Lucille Rembert said she started to cry. "I said, 'Oh no, not again,' " she told The St. Petersburg Times.
The same thing happened in 1995.

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It was love that moved him -- and his livestock.
Dick Kleis, a farmer in Zwingle, Iowa, used more than 120,000 pounds of manure to spell out a special message to his wife, Carole: "Happy birthday. I love you."
For anyone with a large field and a desire to create a similarly sentimental greeting, he has this advice: "Any manure will work. But the good, soft, gushy, warm stuff works the best."

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This is what divorce "This Old House"-style looks like.
A woman in Washington state whose husband was leaving her got back at him by allegedly rewiring his power tools to deliver a powerful electric shock when he used them.
She was arrested after he was knocked to the ground while using a 220-volt table saw.

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Think your family's bad?
A Sicilian man went to a police station to ask that he be arrested -- because he didn't want to spend New Years Eve with relatives. Cops declined, because he hadn't committed a crime.
So he went to a nearby store and stole some candy and chewing gum. This time, he got his wish.

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It's not the starch that makes these sheets stiff.
A Spanish inventor has infused bedsheets with Viagra so randy rompers can absorb the sex-enhancing drug through their skin rather than popping a pill.
"It started as a joke after we saw a study that said businessmen get little sex because they are too tired from work," said sheet maker Pep Torres.

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The Rest of the World

Some days in New York are very exciting. Traffic is jammed, there's some kind of dignitary visiting, a worldwide protest of something is going on at the U.N., or there's a huge sporting event. It's what makes living in the city fun, interesting, and sometimes overwhelming.

I grew up in a suburb in South Carolina. Not much went on there and I was really anxious to get out and explore the world. Since then, I haven't exactly done a world tour, but I've lived in or near several big cities: Atlanta, Philadelphia, Baltimore, DC, and of course, New York. Each has its own unique charm and benefits, as well as drawbacks. As a father, I recall always wanting to raise a family close to a large city for the cultural benefits as well as the world prospective it would provide my children. Granted, New York is a lot bigger, faster, and more expensive than anywhere I would have chosen to settle down, but it is home and I'm feeling mostly comfortable now.

I guess I'm thinking of this because of the recent Facebook contact I've had with old high school friends. A few of them, like me, got out and explored the world not turn. A few left for a while but returned to raise families. Most stayed and haven't lived anywhere else. While that's a nice thing for them (erg. stability, roots in the same place, predictability, etc.) I find it somewhat limiting in scope. As I've talked to some of them, they are amazed at things that I now take for granted: living in a high rise apartment building; not owning or needing a car; the sheer volume of people; or the ethnic diversity.

I want my little one to grow up with a "world view," primarily because when I got to college, I realized how small the world had been for me the 18 years prior. Most of the kids I went to college with were from the DC area. They knew a ton about politics, economics, different cultures, and the arts. I felt really behind. Miss M, growing up in NYC, obviously isn't going tho have that problem, but she will be missing out on how most of the rest of the country lives.

NYC is so unique in it's every day experience and I've noticed people who grow up here (Manhattan specifically) are just a bit "off." They're almost afraid of the rest of the country. Seems strange right? That's not how I want Miss M to be. I've been doing my best to show her "Normal America" by visiting my parents and sister in SC but there has to be more.

I think attitudes and values start at home. There are a plethora of things to do here with my little one and exposing her to all of it I feel is really important. I want her to be a well rounded person who feels comfortable in any situation, in any place. Traveling to other places, experiencing other people and cultures, and teaching acceptance of those "different" seems the way to go.

So parents, how do you teach your little ones about the rest of the world, especially on a limited single parent budget? How do we show our kids the world, teach them about others different than them, and make sure they are well rounded enough to make informed decisions about their own path in life? My question for the day...