Friday, March 26, 2010

Mission Accomplished

So we had the meeting between HG and Ex on Wednesday with the Child Therapist there to mediate. First thing I can say in this whole process that went exactly the way I would have scripted it. Prior to the appointment, I sent an email the CT and outlined what we'd like covered and what would be appropriate and what was off limits:

  • HG's experience with kids;

  • Ground rules for communication and/or conflict resolution

  • How the other is discussed when talking to M

OFF Limits

  • HG's and my relationship

  • HG's personal life away from M

I also mentioned that if Ex demonstrated an ability to stay within boundaries over time then maybe we could broaden the relationship, but until then we'd like to keep the discussion M focused to avoid any conflict. CT agreed to mention this as well.

So, CT brought up each topic, Ex pontificated about her greatness as a Mommy and spouted a lot of crap about how she was totally an agreeable, honest person and only wished us the best. HG and I occasionally nodded or gave a SHORT response but mostly we let CT guide the process. Ex talked for most of the time, as expected. Whatever. All I heard was the Charlie Brown teacher voice. Remember that? "Wah, wah-wah, wah, waaaaaah..."

Important in all of this was CT being very adamant that Ex and I are the parents and any conflict, communication, decisions are to stay with us. There should be no contact between HG and Ex unless I am first informed. HG will get a say with me because I trust her, but the two of them shouldn't discuss/fight about any issues. Of course, HG has ZERO desire to have a direct line of communication so that's totally cool with me. Why should both of us suffer needlessly?

The point of this meeting was so Ex would have been given the courtesy to meet the woman who is going to spend significant time with her child...TOTALLY legit. Of course, it accomplished a second point: after we got out, HG called me and asked "How in the world did you stay married to that woman for so long? She never shuts up and only talks about herself. Is it always about her?" BINGO!!! WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Sad thing, besides us having to share a child of course, is that when I met her she wasn't like that. Not sure what caused the complete narcissistic delusional break from reality, but it gets worse and worse as time goes on.

My big fear was a total cat fight. I wouldn't expect HG to participate...she has way too much grace and poise for that, but Ex has no "off switch" and pushes people past places they never thought they'd go. I assured HG that I'd step in (or CT would) if this happened, but she just didn't want to deal. Who can blame her? Don't get me wrong, she's no wilting flower and can run intellectual circles around Ex, but no one can handle the craziness. Fortunately we didn't have to go there.

In all seriousness, I'd recommend a meeting of this sort for any shared custody co-parents who are introducing a significant other to their child. It established firm ground rules for communication, gave Ex the courtesy of meeting someone who appears to be headed toward being a significant figure in her child's life, and set the precedent that that type of behavior should be reciprocated. It's SO hard to take the high road when your Ex is such a douche bag, but you know, it helps to defuse some of the douche baggery before it even starts, which can only benefit Miss M.

All right kids. Have a GREAT weekend!!!


MommyLovesStilettos said...

That is great! I'm glad it went well :)

This Daddy said...

Whewwwwwww, I am glad that went good. Although I am never one to turn away from a good cat fight. Can you say Pay Per View. In all seriousness, if the meeting going well is the best thing for your daughter than that is awesome.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a great way to handle an often awkward sometimes horrible situation. M is a very lucky girl to have such a level headed father!

jenn said...

Glad it went well. And it sounds like a wonderful way to handle the situation.

Just telling it like it is said...

Gosh that makes me tired thinking about what you are going through...I'm feeling for you...I am

Momma Sunshine said...

Sounds like things went well. the important thing here is that you've got M's best interests at heart here. As long as you all stay focused on her, and what's best for her, then it'll continue to go well.


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