Monday, March 8, 2010

Coming Up for Air

Hi everyone. Sorry I've been absent for almost two weeks. Needless to say there's been a lot going on and I've been too tired to write.
The school search for Miss M continues. Ex and I have been getting along pretty well during this process. A small blow up happened in front of M which made her cry though. Of course, it was about finances and the cost of schools. We haven't resolved it yet, but once M started to cry we both backed off and gave the little one a hug. Sucked. Poor baby has no idea what's going on and our behavior didn't help. Still, she's doing well all things considered.
We've visited 7 schools and like a few. M has to get accepted of course, which isn't an easy feat in NYC. It's very competitive. We tried to pick schools that didn't have that type of selection process or competitive atmosphere (we're talking 4 year old kindergarten after all), but each did want to meet M and have her play with the current kids there for an hour or so. She did great with her outgoing personality and seemed to really have fun. Now we're just waiting to hear back. Keep you fingers crossed.
The second thing going in is finances, which of course is related. When Ex and I put together our financial arrangement, I was making about 40% more than I am now, so the child support and alimony is set up to fit that. Now, with the economy, the demise of my sector of finance, and my company slowly going out of business, I've burned through most of my savings and can't afford to pay that for much longer. I've tried to discuss this with Ex but she's not hearing me. At the same time, her financial situation has gotten a lot better. She picked up a business partner who's putting private equity into her company and it looks like things are taking off. She's since moved into a more expensive apartment, made several big ticket purchases, and done quite a bit of traveling. I, on the other hand, am up to my eyeballs in debt.
So, she's making more money, I'm making way less. Just over 18 months into our agreement, it seems to make sense to readjust things before I go broke. I've discussed this with my therapist who's agreed to try and mediate something so that we don't end up in court. Looks like that's coming to a head next week. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck there because I'm really going to need it. I have not doubt that if we go to court that there will be a reduction in what I pay, but why pay lawyers to get this done? Hopefully she'll be reasonable. One can hope, right?
That's the latest folks. Keep an eye on me. I could use the help.


The Pipster said...

Got both eyes on you! Hope everything works out for the best. I know this is a difficult, stressful time. Give Miss M an extra big hug every time you are feeling down!

C said...

Fingers crossed for you! Sounds like a lot on your plate just now. Good luck with the school thing... We're dealing with a similar headache, too.

Brittany said...

Good luck hon'. Hopefuly all goes well, and everything works out!

What works for BD and I.. is that we just always put Aidyn-man first! No matter what. Even when I hated BD, I thought about my innocent little boy. The one who didn't ask to be apart of all this craziness. It helped me bite my tongue more often then not.

Luckily it gets easier. In fact my heart has softened towards BD. I think that'll happen to you too! :) Miss M is very lucky to have such a great daddy! Keep putting her first, and giving her lots of hugs, and you will do just fine! :)

That One Mom said...

What a nightmare. Do you really have to get attorneys involved for a child support modification? Can't you just submit the info to the courts and let them decide?

Momma Sunshine said...

I've totally got my eye on you. Sometimes life just goes through a bit of a "down"...but the good news is that it swings back up again, in time. Be kind to yourself and remember who is most important in all of this.


Anonymous said...

Good luck! We're all pulling for you.

T said...

Thinking about you and sending you good luck vibes on all accounts! Thanks for letting us know what was going on.


Danielle said...

I will be crossing fingers and toes for you! Good luck!

BigLittleWolf said...

Good luck with all of it. Especially the financial part. The fact that the two of you are in the same state helps, given the difficulty of enforcing support in general, and especially across state lines.

Do research the law in your state. Things are very slow, whether you attempt court or attempt to file without the aid of attorneys.

Better to try to change things sooner rather than later. Consider me a cautionary tale. :)

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